Mum never let me watch the news. Too much violence, I guess. I wanted to float out to sea this weekend. Instead, I was imagining visceral sex scenes featuring Barnaby Joyce and exploding air bags.
On a positive note, Atlanta’s back.
Here’s everything you missed over the weekend …
Airbags? More Like Air-Bads – They’re Exploding
So four million cars are going to be recalled because of the exploding airbags’ issue. Takata, the company that makes airbags for automotive giants such as Ford, Toyota and Subaru, was staring down the barrel of a lengthy investigation by the ACCC – which has resulted in the announcement of a recall of 2.3 million cars, following last years voluntary recall of 1.7 million vehicles.
Barnaby’s DNA Dispute
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How long is it now that we have been forced to think about Barnaby Joyce having sex? This is a cruel and unusual punishment #auspol
— Michele McKenzie (@MicheleMcKenzee) March 4, 2018
Yep, once again, in less than a month, my hand is forced and I have to write about Barnaby Joyce. This time, he has revealed that his unborn child with his staffer may not even be his.
In an interview with Fairfax, he got very specific with some dates. He felt that he had to reveal this information, due to the sustained media attention – so can we please go back to ignoring this man, so he doesn’t feel the need to let the nation in on when he was having sex?
Awesome.
Meghan Makes Her Mark(le)
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Prince Harry, Meghan Markle Debating Between Hawaiian Luau- Or ‘X-Files’-Themed Wedding https://t.co/3KddBUaOKB pic.twitter.com/atUS7A3pUt
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 4, 2018
In the only news that I care about until the 19th of May, 2018, the upcoming union of Haz and Meg (okay, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, whatever) has sparked a big personal move for Megan.
She is going to be baptised as an Anglican – after being raised Protestant.
It’ll all go down at Kensington Palace this week, with the Archbishop of Canterbury doing the honours.
UFC222: Cyborg V Kunitskaya
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Every time I watch Cyborg win like this I feel like we all just sacrificed a member of our village to some angry god we’re trying to appease with blood. #UFC222
— Tommy Toe Hold (@TommyToeHold) March 4, 2018
In the main event, Cris ‘Cyborg’ Justino pretty much blitzed Yana Kunitskaya, coming off a solid victory over Holly Holm – remember, the one who shocked the world with her win over Ronda Rousey? Well, this win by Cyborg was predictable, but still entertaining – it’ll be interesting to see who steps up to the plate next.
Atlanta’s Fucking Back
Renaissance-man Donald Glover is back with his second season of Atlanta. Already, we’ve had a potential shootout and a crocodile in the bathroom.
Oh, and did you hear?
Harvey Weinstein’s back on Hollywood Boulevard with his bathrobe.
