Cut | March 07, 2018

Rest easy, the demons ain’t in Oz … yet.

 

Italians have become so possessed of late they’re actually allowing renegade womaniser and corrupt businessman Silvio Berlusconi back into the political sphere.

 

In an attempt to combat the ongoing spiritual crisis, the Vatican has announced plans to train more priests in the art of exorcism.

 

Italian exorcist Beningo Palilla informed the public via Vatican Radio, saying that a boot camp will “offer a rich reflection and articulation on a topic that is sometimes unspoken and controversial”.

 

 

But, what constitutes demonic activity?

 

Is it as little as someone leaving the fridge slightly open?

 

Or is it is akin to summoning a dead deity, or starting a perfect circle of fire in the middle of a corn field?

 

 

 

Secondly, what do we do to combat this?

 

Bear in mind that this bombshell  was shared by the very neutral Vatican Radio, so there may be a few suggestions that they missed.

 

Here are my ideas on how to solve demonic activity:

 

* Something about garlic? Do you eat it, or like put it on yourself?

 

* Salt – just throw it

 

* Save your black watermelon seeds and wear ’em on a necklace

 

Even though this plague of the occult is happening in Italy, we should all really be on our lookout for any devilish activity.

 

Report any sitings by creating a circle of garlic around suspect demons.

 

In other news straight from hell, Harvey Weinstein appeared on Hollywood boulevard in his signature bathrobe. 

 

 

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