There’s absolutely nothing controversial about Justin Timberlake. He’s pretty much palatable to every conceivable demographic. That’s exactly why he was picked for the the Super Bowl halftime show.
While other largely publicised events are working with performers to reimagine political statements, Justin’s PG13+ digestible performance would prove that the world really is a pendulum – we can, at any point, go swinging back to dependable, vanilla stadium spectacles that probably won’t offend a mass audience short of robbing them of time they can’t get back… a safe option for the Super Bowl and their sponsors.
But, it turns out, Justin Timberlake’s show pissed us off in all kinds of different ways. So here are all the thoughts we had watching this complete fucking travesty unfold.
1) Jimmy Fallon:“This is the Pepsi that brings you the Pepsi Super Bowl half-time show”. Okay firstly, who let Pepsi back in? They’re still cancelled.
2) Justin’s not only attempting to orchestrate his own comeback, he’s trying to bring leather fringing along for the ride.
3) It’s not working.
4) Neither is the Skrillex-esque light show.
5) This is like watching your friend’s dad singing American Pie on karaoke. It’s really funny at the start and then you realise you have 8 minutes to go.
6) New game: Take a shot every time JT looks manically at the camera as if begging the public for a second chance.
7) *Takes shot*
8) If a Pepsi bottle still works as a peace offering, can someone please bring one out to Justin and make him stop this?
9) Someone get Kendall Jenner on the phone, we have an emergency.
10) Oh God, here comes Prince.
11) It must have been Pepsi’s Creative Director who convinced everyone that a duet with Prince was a great idea. They were probably told they couldn’t hijack any more current cultural movements so they pillaged one from the past instead.
12) Awkward that out of this duet, the person who’s alive is still less relevant.
13) *Takes shot*
14) Game 2: turn the audio off and put on Time To Say Goodbye (Con Te Partiro) instead and this is sort of calming to watch.
15) He have a been given a camera stare quota he has to meet.
16) For the amount of money this would have cost to put on, they could have done literally anything else.
17) You may have brought Prince back from the grave tonight, but Justin, your career isn’t coming with him.
Case in point: