Beer Pong: a game played between mates guaranteeing debauchery, shame, and incessant verbal sparring. But did you know beer pong can also get you out of a series of awkward situations?
Let us explain…
1.) THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
There’s always a lot of resentment at staff parties. Why’d Drew get a raise? Why’d my Kriss Kringle buy me an electric toothbrush? Does Lucy actually have food allergies?
And what’s with Santa? Why’s he sitting on everyone? Does he even work with us?
Crack open the beer pong, level Santa, and go to work on switching-out that toothbrush.
2.) TINDER DATE (WE HAD TO)
They only had one photo on their profile: a low-res image of a cat. But you agree to a date because their bio is a series of cryptic emojis – sunglasses, a skull, and a spaceship.
You need to get to the bottom of this.
Get all Sherlock over a game of beer pong and then boot it before they try to beam you up into space.
3.) YOUR MUM’S NEW BOYFRIEND
He’s a yoga instructor. You know because you’ve seen a lot of Instagram posts of him in all kinds of poses. He works in advertising and gives long speeches at family events.
Sometimes you see him on the beach, floating on a paddle board, waving at you.
Crack open the beer pong, thank him for the homemade sushi, and realise you both love your mum in very real, very different ways.
4.) PIVOTING WITH A PEDESTRIAN
You’re both on your fourth step to the left when you start thinking you’ve entered an eternal cycle. You’re locked in a continuum with a stranger and when you catch their eye you notice they’re as terrified as you.
The world slows down and you feel the rumble of ping pong balls in your backpack.
Whip ‘em out and enter a whole new continuum – that of trying to nail a flawless cup run.
5.) TALKATIVE UBER DRIVER
You’re standing outside the car at your destination but he won’t stop. He’s telling you how much money he made last week, how much his wife made, and how his car is equipped with all kinds of features like Apple Music and smart steering.
There’s only one way out at this point.
Line up those cups on the road, hit one from long range, and shut his mouth for good.
6.) BUMPING INTO YOUR EX
Christ, they’ve blossomed. They’ve got new bangs. They’re using new slang. There’s some arm-candy holding their bag. They ask you what you’ve been up to. You don’t want to tell them you typed up a text you didn’t send last night.
Shit.
Crack ‘em open.
Sink a few shots, listen to them bicker with their new squeeze, and hit the road with a strut knowing you’re much better off.
7.) A JOB INTERVIEW
Am I smiling too much? My handshake was definitely limp. What’s with this guy’s socks? Why’s everyone in the office chewing gum?
We all know employers ask “would I have a beer with this person”.
So, if you display exemplary beer pong skills, you’re already going above and beyond, just like the job description said.
Nail a hook shot then stick out your hand for a blank cheque.
8.) WHEN YOUR MATE TAKES UP POETRY…
You’re in a shed at 4am when he’s decided to pull out his notepad. You can tell from a distance this is already a problem. There’s biro, sketches, and scribble smudged across the page.
In the corner of the notepad is a constellation of stars. He starts the poem with the repetition of the word ‘holy’ when you start fumbling for the ping pong.
Change the subject.
Tell him to focus on something else. Tell him to focus on the poetic motion of your beer pong fade-away.
9.) FALLING IN LOVE WITH A FRIEND
Remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and Elaine try-it-on again?
Yeah, shit ain’t right.
Sure, they may get along with your parents, and send you memes, and sometimes, on those hot summer nights, when the cicadas are whirring and the sun is setting you think maybe this could work.
Well, maybe it could?
Set up the cups and take a shot at the most elusive target of all – love.
10.) SEEING YOUR HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER IN A CLUB
Remember me? That kid with all the badges and scarfs and bracelets? That kid you constantly kicked out of class?
No amount of pronounced self-validation can erase that image they have of you in your teens.
There’s only one option.
Yep, crack open a game and educate them on just how far you’ve come.
Need a fail-safe for all awkward situations this holiday season? Cop our portable Cup Pong Pack at Woolies supermarkets nationally.
…And if you just can’t get enough of beer pong we found seven ways to intensify your beer pong game.
