Fuck Valentine’s Day.

 

Last year, I got dumped outside a bar in Melbourne, half-drunk, full-broken, watching couples hold hands and hail cabs. I stole a bottle of rum and hit my room for a couple of days. I listened to Dido in a dark room and coughed obscenities at whoever tried to enter.

 

Anyway, I’ve learnt from all my mistakes.

 

Here’s all the best ways to ruin Valentines Day:

 

via GIPHY

 

1.) Say you don’t conform to the capitalist system.

2.) Buy some cheap coke from the northern beaches.

3.) Talk about machines.

4.) Propose.

5.) Bring home a rabbit.

6.) Mention all your ailments.

7.) Buy something electronic.

8.) DM’s.

9.) Talk about ISIS.

10.) Skip town.

 

Hit any of these to send your relationship up in flames.

 

Single? Same – Let’s save up for Supreme’s new collection.